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News from Cappuccinia

The village of Cappuccinia has given its name to an entire, beautiful country surrounded by Mediterranean beaches. As pleasant autumn weather is caressing the natives, the cappuccini, they are shocked by terrible events.

First of all, they have been asked to abstain from their most favored food, pasta, because of recent unjustified price increases. Also, they are expected to eat less bread, for the same reason. But since Cappuccinia is a country populated by furbi (fast-witted corner-cutters) they found that the price of penne increased less than that of spaghetti, and consequently switched to penne rigate, thus maintaining the strike while still munching their beloved pasta. The parliament itself is supporting the strike by continuing to offer free pasta and bread in its elegant in-house restaurant which provides subsidized meals to the poor, hard-working MPs. The strike is duly observed by the inmates of the Rebibbia prison who allegedly stopped buying pasta at the prison’s spaccio, the supermarket for inmates, well-known also to some MPs.

Another strike, however, is threatening the entire populace: a fortnight of sciopero of the benzinai, the gas stations. The government (temporarily) ruling Cappuccinia decided that more competition among benzinai was needed to bring gas prices down and service up. While the next few weeks will show who is stronger, the gas stations or the government, foreign tourists are already fleeing Cappuccinia to avoid being stranded with an empty gas tank.

Worse than that, the country is stunned by an initiative proposed by a well known comedian to kick all convicted crooks and felons out of the parliament and to practically abolish the time-honored profession of politician by limiting the eligilibity of an MP to a maximum of two terms. How could a politician become millionaire in only eight years? Consequently, most politicians are up in arms against the comedian who garnered 300,000 signatures in only one day, and who is supported by 46 percent of all cappuccini. “If all crooks are evicted from parliament, will there be a quorum left?” mused a man standing in front of your correspondent as they queued up for giving their signature to the comedian’s proposal among a milling crowd of thousands of under-forties joining the queues.

A terrible situation, indeed. The politicians should perhaps copy the example of the benzinai and go on strike. The felons among the MPs would organize the walk-out as they are the most endangered species.

In any case, a sciopero of the politicians would clarify one question: Does Cappuccinia really need politicians? Maybe one clever comedian would suffice.

—— Giorgio Ascoltone